Wednesday January 25, 2006
Can the son of God have grandparents?
An anguished mother-in-law sent me a letter. Her son and daughter-in-law live about four hours away. She hardly ever sees her grandchildren; she feels unwelcome in her daughter-in-law\’s home.
The problem, she suggests, is more often the daughter-in-law than the mother-in-law.
That contradicts conventional wisdom, but it could be true. Daughters are younger than mothers, less mature, less experienced in dealing with personality differences. They\’re more likely to solve the problem, as they see it, by shutting out the troublesome element.
They also have the position of power.
If my son is loveable, the mother-in-law laments, it was my doing. Why must I be excluded from your lives? Why won\’t you let make my grandchildren loveable too?
Perhaps that\’s the problem. Perhaps, if she had done less well as a mother, perhaps if her son were less loveable, the daughter would feel less threatened. It\’s not that she doesn\’t measure up in her mother-in-law\’s eyes – she doesn\’t measure up in her own.
Grandparents and grandchildren seem to have an especially precious bond that bypasses the generation gap. It\’s always a tragedy when that bond is broken.
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I wonder, in this season following Christmas, if Jesus had grandparents. Oh, I know, both Matthew and Luke give him a genealogy. Matthew says Joseph\’s father was Jacob. Luke says he was Heli, the Greek form of Joachim. Legend identifies Mary\’s parents as Anna and Joachim. That might make Heli Joseph\’s father-in-law, rather than his father – the same word was often used for either.
Both Mary\’s family and Joseph\’s were descendents of David. So they too would have gone to Bethlehem to be registered. Why then did Mary and Joseph travel alone, instead of with their families?
Perhaps they were in disgrace. By having a child too soon – regardless of the reason – the couple had brought dishonour to their families.
Luke\’s gospel says “there was no room in the inn.” Maybe there was no room for the likes of them…
And then they fled to Egypt, and only years later returned to Nazareth. Did his grandparents ever learn to love Jesus? Did he get to know them?
I too would love to see our granddaughter more often. She lives an eleven-hour drive away from us. By comparison, four hours doesn\’t seem much.
But I realize now – 30 years too late – how my parents might have felt. They lived in Vancouver; we lived in Toronto, 3000 miles away. Crossing the country was a major trip back then, by car or by plane.
Joan\’s parents rarely travelled. They saw their grandchildren only when we came west on holidays.
And my own grandparents must have felt even more cut off. Because my parents were missionaries, my mother\’s parents only saw me every seventh year, when my parents came “home” on furlough.
I can\’t help feeling a loss. For all grandparents and grandchildren kept apart by circumstances beyond their control.
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Copyright © 2002 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups permitted; all other rights reserved.
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